Parenting is a huge process of learning and mistakes. Your parents when you were a child, were quite young and energetic. They never imagined how they would become when they grow old and now as they are growing old, you would have quite a hectic relationship with them considering old age brings a lot of health issues. We still live in India where taking care of elderly parents no matter what is the foremost duty of children.
Elderly parents need love and affection just like small children. They start throwing tantrums when they think that their decisions are not being heard or respected. In such uncomfortable situations, healthy boundaries have to be set by you as their young children so that the relationship doesn’t turn out to be a toxic and unhealthy one.
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Healthy boundaries involve transparent and good communication between you and your parents along with fostering understanding and mutual respect. Although having healthy boundaries with your elderly parents may be a difficult process in the initial stage but with a good amount of work and trust in yourself, you can win over the love and affection of your parents.
1) Use statements like I:
The majority of the time, parents think that their children are a part of themselves. So, if they decide to not get themselves involved in a family function just because of broken ties, you need to make things clear with them by saying ‘I would like to be a part of the function because I still have a good rapport with my cousins.’ This will make them understand that you are now a grown-up and have your own identity.
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2) Make yourself heard:
Instead of talking in a criticizing or accusatory tone, you can simply keep things simple so your parents know what are your new needs. You can talk it out in an affection manner about why your priorities in life have changed and you would like to move to a new house or take up that abroad job for better career prospects or decide on a groom or bride of your choice so that there is more understanding between the partners.
3) Understand that they too love you a lot:
Your parents helped you reach wherever you are through whatever resources were available to them. You may never know what sacrifices they had to do just so that you can reach here. So, acknowledge those efforts and be non-judgemental when they try to interfere in your life’s decisions. Make them a part of your life’s new changes by explaining to them what is needed for you and how it can improve their lives as well. You need to think of plans which are customized for them as well.
4) Don’t drag arguments or uncomfortable discussions:
Due to old age and loneliness, aged parents think in a negative manner quite a lot of times. If you are getting into an argument with your parents that may not help them or you as well, you can even ask them to stop or leave that room so that they can settle down with their emotions. You can talk to them some other time when they are in a good mood so that your discussions don’t turn out to be a superheated one.
