Understand you are not responsible for other people's pain

I remember he was known as a scholar in tabla and was also approached by a couple of music directors to play for them in their songs.
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Pain is a small word to define what a person actually experiences in their life. However, if you think that you are responsible for someone in your life who is crying in pain (without you doing anything about it), then you are living a life full of regret and guilt and nothing else. I met a young man the other day who was talking to me about why he left his passion for music after his college days. I remember he was known as a scholar in tabla and was also approached by a couple of music directors to play for them in their songs. However, he left all that when he went through a personal crisis.


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This young man left his passion because he took up caregiving for his ailing mother as one of the most important priorities of his life. When I probed further about how is she feeling, this young man said her health is not improving much and she is the same. He continued by saying that his mother is living the same life but for him, it is taking a toll on his mental health. I asked him, when you left all that you wanted to do and are giving her all that you have, then why is she not happy? This young man was clueless.

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Then later he shared she always keeps telling him that if he is happy then only she can be happy. That's where the root cause of the problem lies. When his mother fell sick, he left all his passions so that he could focus only on his mother's health. But he ignored his own health and started developing resentment from within. This increased the aged woman's health issues because she was being treated by her son who was not happy in his life. 

Eventually, this young man realized that as much as his mother's pain is important to be taken care of, so much is his own health too. He understood that he was not directly adding to the pain of his mother but by not living a good life, he was indirectly making his mother's life hell. He decided to take up his passion back and tried to find out time for both his duties in life. From this young man's story, it is quite obvious that when we find the important people in our lives in pain, we feel that we are responsible for not caring for or loving them. However, that's not always right.

At times, you need to give a mental break to yourself and figure out how you can change their lives for the good by doing something meaningful and worthy in your own lives. The more we focus on self-care, the more we will be able to care for others also well. So, whenever you get feelings of guilt and regret when your loved one is in pain, don't take responsibility and fall sick in your mind. You can simply do something that will help their pain be eased off in life.